


right where you left me

by salviohexia98



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, First Kiss, Fix-It, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salviohexia98/pseuds/salviohexia98
Summary: This is a fix-it for episode 15x18. Cas is taken by The Empty, but Dean and Sam attempt to save him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	right where you left me

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't like what happened at the end of the show, for obvious reasons, so this is my attempt to rewrite it in a way that includes some of what happens in canon but tweaks it a little bit to fit what I would have liked to see. Enjoy!

“Wait, there is… There is one thing she’s afraid of. There’s one thing strong enough to stop her. When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him,” Cas said.

Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. What was Cas talking about? They got Jack out without making a deal. Dean shook his head slightly before choking out, “You what?”

“The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, The Empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever.”

Dean looked Cas up and down, trying to figure out what he was doing. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse. I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want… is something I know I can’t have. But I think I know now.” Cas looked at Dean. He was beautiful. “Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.”

Dean was becoming frustrated and increasingly worried by Cas’ behavior. “What are you taking about, man?”

“I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You’re destructive, and you’re angry, and you’re broken. You’re ‘daddy’s blunt instrument’. And you think that hate and anger… that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.”

Cas took a shaky breath, tears burning hot on his face now. He thought to himself, carefully choosing his next words. “You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell… knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack… I cared about the whole world because of you.” Cas looked at Dean with desperation and fear in his eyes. He knew what he had to do. “You changed me, Dean.”

Dean closed his eyes for a brief second and swallowed harshly before asking, “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

“Because it is.”

“Don’t do this, Cas,” Dean begged. He knew what Cas was going to say. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Cas couldn’t say those words to him and then leave.

“ _I love you_.” Cas felt an immense weight lift off his shoulders as he finally expressed what he had been hiding all these years. He would do anything for Dean, including lay down his life. He’s done it before, and he’d do it again and again. It would be worth it to know that Dean would live a full, successful life, even if Cas would no longer be there to see it.

Tears were streaming down Dean’s face now, mouth open in shock as he attempted to process everything Castiel was telling him. There was no time, though. The Empty appeared behind Dean with an ugly gurgling sound. He turned around briefly, chest heaving with fear as he understood what was about to happen. Cas reached out to rest his hand against Dean’s shoulder before moving up to his cheek. Cas felt, for the first time in years, completely weightless. He had been right; happiness was in saying it. Happiness was in knowing Dean understood how loved he is. 

Dean leaned into Cas’ touch before placing his hands on either side of Cas’ face and looked into the deep blue eyes across from him. He paused for a brief moment before crashing their lips together. It was an aggressive, messy kiss. Just like Dean always imagined it.

Suddenly, Dean felt himself being pushed away and he didn’t have enough time to hold on, to try to prevent Cas from leaving him. He was vaguely aware of his own body crashing into a nearby wall. Grasping for something, anything to ground himself, he pressed his hands into the concrete floor. Dean watched as Cas, eyes full of tears but his face peaceful, disappeared into the mess of black.

Dean leaned forward to rest his head in his hands, sobbing with abandon now. He never got to say it back.

“Me too, Cas.”

~~~

It had been a couple of days since they lost Cas. Dean turned to alcohol to cope, which distressed both Jack and Sam even more.

“We’ll get him back, Dean,” Sam attempted to reassure his brother. He felt he was trying to convince himself a little bit, too.

Dean slammed his fist on the table before pushing himself out of his chair to pace across the floor of the bunker kitchen. “You don’t know that, Sammy.”

Sam looked down at his hands, clasped together with frustration at the situation. They had won, technically. Chuck was defeated with Jack’s help. Jack, now considered the acting God, had plenty of business to attend to in Heaven. Before he left, though, Dean begged Jack to bring Cas back.

“Please, Jack. You gotta bring him back. He’s your dad, for God’s sake.” Dean flinched at what he said. Maybe bringing God up right now wasn’t the most tactful strategy.

Jack looked up, considering his options carefully. He didn’t want to further upset Dean. “Dean, I want to remain hands-off in this new position. Chuck interfered too much with humanity. I want to change things and do this right. I’m sorry.”

Dean, shaky but trying not to break down in front of his three-year-old son, nodded slowly to show Jack that he understood. Pursing his lips, he drummed his fingers on the table a few times before pushing out of his chair and walking silently to his room, closing the door behind him. Sam looked between Dean’s retreating figure and Jack, who now was fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair. Sam reached out to place a comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, bud. We’ll figure this out.”

The corner of Jack’s mouth moved up to form a small smile as he shyly looked up at Sam. “Thank you, Sam. I think it is time for me to take my leave, though. I’ll be back soon.”

And with that, Jack was gone.

~~~

“Dean, come on. You gotta come out of your room eventually.” Sam stood outside of Dean’s bedroom, his palm against the doorframe. He sighed in frustration when Dean’s lack of response became apparent.

Suddenly, the door opened inward and Sam stumbled into Dean’s room. Dean stood in front of his brother, clothing rumpled by sleep. He grumbled, “Whadya want, Sammy?”

“You haven’t been acting like yourself, lately. Jack and I are worried about you.”

“Yeah? Well, what am I supposed to do? Cas is gone, Sam. I’m not going to pretend things are all hunky-dory.”

“I know you’re upset. Do you maybe want to… talk about it? What happened when Cas got taken?”

Dean felt the color drain from his face. This is exactly what he had been avoiding. “No.”

“You think I don’t miss him? He was my friend, too.”

Dean looked at Sam sadly. He knew Sam missed Cas. He knew Jack did, too. Neither of them understood what Dean was going through, though. Dean barely understood it himself. “You don’t get it, Sam.”

“Then help me get it.”

“He told me he _loved_ me.” Dean said suddenly. His eyes went wide, apparently shocked at his own voice saying those words.

Sam’s mouth fell open and his head moved to the side abruptly like he had been slapped in the face. “He what?”

Dean’s head fell into his hands as he leaned back against the wall outside his room. Sam felt helpless. He had only ever seen Dean like this, a shell of his former self, when Cas died previously. This time was different, though, and he was finally understanding why. “What did you tell him?”

Dean looked up again, eyes red. “What?”

Sam shrugged slightly, unsure how to have this conversation. He should’ve picked a better location for it, rather than standing awkwardly in the hallway. “What did you say when he told you… you know. That he loves you?”

Dean wrapped his arms around his chest as though he could protect himself from how vulnerable he felt. “I didn’t say anything. I, uh… we kissed. A bit.”

Sam didn’t expect that. He’d always suspected that Cas might have feelings for Dean, but he wasn’t so sure about his brother. Dean was always so reserved when it came to expressing himself. He barely ever told Sam he loved him. Granted, Sam never really told Dean, either. Sam pushed his hand through his hair and attempted to collect his thoughts. “Do you love him?” Sam asked quietly, avoiding Dean’s eyes.

Sam could see Dean swallowing harshly before taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I think I do.” Dean’s face contorted into a grimace, obviously uncomfortable with the confession.

Smiling softly, Sam reached out to pull his brother into a hug. “Let’s find him, then.”

**~~~**

Sam and Dean spent the better half of the last two weeks poring over anything they thought might help them reach The Empty. Sam could tell that Dean was starting to get frustrated. He’d shove books to the floor, pace frantically around the bunker, and then collapse back in his seat, fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose. It didn’t help that Dean had gotten maybe four total hours of sleep since Cas left. Sam had thrown the rest of the whiskey out just to prevent an inevitable trip to the emergency room. Sam was determined to figure something out, before Dean’s self-destructive tendences got the better of him. Cas has come back from the dead before. They just needed one more win. “Wait… Dean. You told me Cas left some blood on your jacket, right? You didn’t clean it yet, did you?”

Dean looked up from what must have been the fiftieth book he picked up that day. He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek before answering. “Yeah. It’s still there. Don’t really wanna talk about that right now.”

Sam jumped up from his seat, tempering his own excitement for Dean’s sake. “I have an idea. Go get the jacket.”

Dean grumbled something unintelligible before shuffling down the hallway to his room. He returned quickly, shoving the jacket into Sam’s hands before seating himself at the table again. Sam ran his fingers over the handprint, contemplating his next move. The blood was dry and cracked, but still usable. He grabbed a bowl that was left on the table and began scratching at the bloody print with his pocketknife. Deep red flakes fell from the jacket slowly until Sam was satisfied with his work. Sam looked over at Dean, only to discover that tears were falling down Dean’s face as he stared at the jacket in Sam’s hands. Dean shook his head when he realized Sam was watching and pressed his fists into his eyes before mumbling, “That’s all I have left of him.”

Sam felt himself deflate. Of course. He should’ve been a little more sensitive to his brother’s feelings. Sam handed the jacket back to Dean. “We can use this to save him.”

Dean leaned back in his chair. “Don’t get my hopes up like that, Sammy. I can’t take another hit.”

“No, really, Dean. There’s a spell we can use to open up a portal. It requires the angel’s blood, which we have right here. It’s almost like Cas left it there on purpose.”

Sam could see a flicker of hope pass through Dean’s eyes for a brief moment, before it disappeared again behind a stoic face. Sam decided not to say anything further, instead collecting various items from the room and placing them on a nearby table. Dean walked over, catching Sam press his finger into some red ink and creating a sigil he had never seen before on the wood of the table. Sam placed the bowl holding Cas’ dried blood in the middle of the sigil. He began the spell, speaking in Latin and holding his hands out above the mess of materials. Dean watched on, unsure if he was scared that Cas wouldn’t come back, or that he might.

~~~

Castiel gasped for breath, looking around him for anything remotely familiar. His gaze moved down. He could tell that he had been injured, a throbbing pain shooting up his leg. Disoriented by the bright light, Cas tried to stand up. The last thing he remembered was impossible blackness, with nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company. Everything was too loud now. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he limped toward the nearby road. As Cas emerged from the trees, he saw it. A sign that read LEBANON, KANSAS in block letters. He was going home.

Cas walked the entire 2 miles to the bunker on his broken ankle. When he saw the lot leading up to the bunker, relief immediately washed over him. Suddenly, he felt a vibration in his pocket. Of course, he hadn’t realized his cell phone was still with him. Pulling it from his jacket pocket, the screen lit up to reveal fifty-five voicemails from Dean. Cas approached the bunker door slowly and pressed on Dean’s name instead of knocking. “Dean, I’m outside. Let me in. I’m hurt.”

Dean opened the door a few moments later, out of breath. Cas could tell he had run up the stairs. Dean looked him up and down. “Cas,” he breathed out, “Is it actually you?”

“It’s me, Dean.”

Dean pulled him in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Cas’ shoulders. Cas stood there for a moment, unsure where they stood after everything that had happened, before slowly placing his hands on Dean’s hips. Dean pressed his nose into Castiel’s neck, breathing him in. He pulled back to look into Cas’ eyes. “We didn’t think it worked.”

Cas’ eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Sam used the blood you left on my jacket to open a portal to The Empty. To bring you back. Nothing happened afterward, so we assumed it was a bust. Apparently… we were wrong.” Dean smiled softly, before his face immediately fell when he saw that Cas was shaking. “You’re hurt. Why aren’t you healing?”

Cas grimaced uncomfortably as he shifted his weight between his legs. “I understand now. When I was pulled from The Empty, my grace did not follow. I am human now.”

Dean nodded, unsure how to respond. He wrapped an arm around Cas’ shoulders and helped him down the stairs. Dean settled the former angel on the couch before collecting Sam from his bedroom to help stabilize the bone. Watching as Sam doted over Castiel, Dean realized that he finally had everything he needed.

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Castiel was healing as fast as a newly made human could. Dean, however, was growing more and more anxious. They hadn’t talked about what happened when Cas… left. Dean didn’t know how to bring it up. He had practiced in front of the bathroom mirror, but nothing he came up with really hit the mark. “ _Hey, remember when we kissed and you immediately died? Good times.”_

Dean knew he loved Cas. And he knew Cas loved him, too. So… why was this so difficult? Dean was aware he had a lot of shit to work through, but this really takes the cake. His best friend had confessed his love for him and then _died_ to save his life, and Dean couldn’t even return the favor. He felt like such a coward. Lost in thought, Dean turned into the bunker kitchen, only to find Cas moving around to make a pot of coffee. Dean paused, enamored with the domesticity of the scene in front of him. For a second, he allowed himself to hope that this could be their life every day. Waking up together, making breakfast together, living their lives _together_. Dean was shaken from his spiraling thoughts when he realized that Cas was staring at him.

“Hello, Dean. Would you like some coffee?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Dean shuffled over to sit at the kitchen table, waiting for Cas to join him. Cas finished brewing the coffee and set one of the mugs down in front of Dean. They sat in comfortable silence, checking their phones, and slowly sipping their drinks. Dean felt jittery, though, and not from the caffeine. “Cas, I gotta say something – “

Cas put his hand up to stop him. “Dean, please. I do not want to make this any more uncomfortable than it needs to be. I would prefer it if we could put all of this behind us so that our friendship can go back to normal.”

Dean sat there, gaping at his friend. “Go back to normal? Cas, I – “

Cas, though, had already moved from the table to put his mug in the dishwasher before Dean could form a coherent thought. As Cas turned to walk toward his bedroom, Dean stared after him, wondering where he had gone wrong. Sighing, Dean spoke aloud to himself. “That went well.”

~~~

Castiel had barely spoken to Dean since his return from The Empty. Dean was going crazy. After everything they’d been through, Dean had believed things could be… different between them. Better. He should’ve known. Everything, everyone he loved always left him. Maybe Cas was reconsidering things. Maybe Dean read the situation wrong. Whatever it was, he just wanted his best friend back. Leaning back against his headboard, Dean resolved to talk to Cas tomorrow. Actually talk to him.

The next morning, Dean knocked on Cas’ bedroom door and called out, “Hey man, I found a case and and I was wondering if you would, uh, want to come with me.”

The door opened to reveal a disgruntled Castiel, his eyes barely open. Dean watched as his friend stifled a yawn before asking, “Is Sam not able to go with you?”

Dean looked away and rubbed his neck nervously. “Uh, yeah, no… he’s busy with research today, but I could still use some help on this one.” Dean knew he was bad at lying, but he hoped Cas wouldn’t pick up on it now that he was human. He had a plan, and a majority of that plan revolved around trapping Cas in the Impala with him so he couldn’t escape when Dean tried to bring up the nature of their relationship.

“Okay, Dean. Of course I will go with you.”

Dean stopped by his bedroom to grab a small duffle bag of clothes, texted Sam to let him know they were leaving, and then made his way out to the Impala to wait for Cas. Eventually, Cas opened the passenger door and joined him. After about forty silent minutes in the car, Dean pulled off the highway and brought the Impala to a stop.

Cas was confused. “Dean, this does not look like the correct location.”

“Cas, I need to tell you something.” Cas opened his mouth to interrupt, but Dean stopped him. “No, let me finish. You had your turn and I never got to respond because you went and _died_ on me. You know I’m bad at stuff like this… so just give me a minute.” Dean cleared his throat. “You told me that I changed you… well, you changed me too. I never had a best friend before you. Hell, I never had any friends at all. Sammy and I moved around so much that I never had a chance. I always thought attachments made you weak. But you… you showed me that it’s the opposite. You made me stronger. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my best friend, Cas. I don’t want anything to change between us if that’s not what you want, but I… I do want things to change. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and I just didn’t know what to do with those feelings. You’re worth it, though. I’ll start writing in a journal and reflecting and shit if that’s what it takes to show you how much you mean to me. I love you.”

Cas stared at Dean, too shocked to respond. Dean watched as Cas looked him up and down, slowly. All of a sudden, Dean was nervous. Why wasn’t Cas responding? He could feel his palms start to sweat, so he wiped them on his jeans before reaching out to grab Cas’ hand. “Please say something, man.”

Looking down at their joined hands, Cas breathed out, “I want the same thing, Dean. I love you, too.”

Dean felt a smile stretch across his face. Tentatively, he reached across the space between them to rest his palm against Cas’ neck. Leaning in, he slowly pressed his mouth to Cas’ jawline, then his cheekbone, his eyelid, before finally capturing Cas’ lips with his own. Dean caught himself thinking that this was _much_ better than their first kiss. Less tears and less imminent death.

Cas pulled back to smirk at Dean, shaking his head slightly. “There was never a case, was there?”

Dean threw his head back and laughed, choosing to answer Cas by pressing their lips together again. As Cas’ body pressed against his in the front seat of the Impala, Dean sighed as a sense of calm washed over him. Maybe happiness was in the having.

Dean had spent so much of his life wondering if he could ever find peace. He recalls questioning what he did to deserve all of the pain, the losses he’d endured. Dean always believed that if God was real, he was a real shitty God. Why should he pray to a God that didn’t care about him? (He ended up being wrong about that, now that he thought about it. Chuck cared a little too much about him and his brother.) Cas showed him that you can fight against fate to have what you want. Loving Cas brought him freedom. Freedom to love who he wants to, freedom to be the person he’s meant to be. They might not ever truly find peace in their line of work, but Dean was okay with that. They chose each other, against God himself and all of Heaven’s plans. Dean was going to continue to choose Castiel as long as he’d let him.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr! 
> 
> salviohexia.tumblr.com


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